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Posts tagged ‘Hedge Monkeys’

Medieval Brigands (The Convoy) – EA. Vol. XIII

medieval brigands

Encyclopaedia Avalonia, Vol. XIII (unlucky for some) …

“Medieval Brigand” is synonymous with “member of The Convoy“ – being another name for a Hedge Monkey (see here) who has finally “obtained” a suitable vehicle and thus been accepted as a fully-fledged Convoy-ite. The rites of initiation are too gruesome to describe in any detail here[1], but those who make it aboard are then said to have ‘oiled their back axles’.

An early reference to The Convoy stems from Stonehenge in June 1976. The authorities had intended to stop the annual Stonehenge Festival, but these plans were pre-empted when a convoy of vehicles (henceforth the Convoy) arrived on-site, hot drive from Challacombe Free Festival on Exmoor.

The Government put out the story that it was powerless to act because the ancient monument had been hi-jacked, and that any attempt to evict the festival-goers would likely result in hippies destroying the Stones. At this point The Convoy’s image had become that of a monstrous line of ships on a dark, storm-tossed sea – steaming without signals or lights, and leaving a trail of damaged police cars.


Hedge Monkeys – EA Vol. VII


Encyclopaedia Avalonia, Vol. VII …

Hedge Monkeys are fledgling members of The Convoy (see here in Encyclopaedia Avalonia, Vol. XIII) who have not as yet found a Convoy to join … or even a live-in vehicle in which to Convoy.[1]

They do, however, have nearly the right sense of dress-code.[2] Enormous heavy boots, worn unlaced, are kept on at all times, even in the hottest heat wave. Dirty overcoats are de rigueur, as is dreadlocked, matted hair. Mud is glorified and cleanliness castigated as middle class, thus making a virtue out of necessity. The more fashion-conscious sport a cloth cap, a “twatting stick’“, and mangy dog (either a whippet or a Jack Russell) which they drag around on the end of a string lead.

The dog and stick are meant to give the impression of an earthy, rural, rabbit-hunting, tree-nutting, rogue ‘o the road life-style. However, most Hedge Monkeys are actually born and raised in London, and it is therefore no coincidence that “dog and stick” is in fact Cockney rhyming slang for “rural hick”.


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